3 Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.
1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her
that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE.
4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD... He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman..
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest..
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them..
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life..
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.
What is a 710?
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted
If you're not sure what a 710 is, click below link.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted
If you're not sure what a 710 is, click below link.
The Window Through Which We Look
The Window Through Which We Look
A young couple moved into a new neighbourhood
The next morning while they were eating breakfast,
The young woman saw her neighbour hanging the wash outside.
'That laundry is not very clean,' she said.
'She doesn't know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbour would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see
a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I wonder who taught her this.'
The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and
Cleaned our windows.'
And so it is with life.
What we see when watching others depends on the window through which we look...
The next morning while they were eating breakfast,
The young woman saw her neighbour hanging the wash outside.
'That laundry is not very clean,' she said.
'She doesn't know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbour would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see
a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I wonder who taught her this.'
The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and
Cleaned our windows.'
And so it is with life.
What we see when watching others depends on the window through which we look...
Tintumon...
Dad to Tintumon : When I beat you how did you control your anger?
Tintumon : I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad : How does that satisfy you?
Tintumon : I clean it with your tooth brush.
Dad : Do u know how 2 swim?
Tintumon : No.
Dad : A dog is better than u! It can swim.
Tintumon : So do u know how 2 swim?
Dad : For sure!
Tintumon : Then, what's the difference between u and a dog?
Tintumon called FM radio & said
"I've found a purse with Rs.15000/- a credit card & an ID card of Mr.Mani, No.13,Halls rd,kannur….
Radio jocky : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?
Tintumon : no……. i just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…
Father and tintumon were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and tintumon was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," tinumon said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" Tintumon finished.
Tintumon was asked to write a sign board for the traffic near the school.
He wrote"Drive carefully! Don't kill the students, wait for the teachers"
Prof.: Chemical symbol of Barium?
Tintumon:BA
Prof.: For Sodium?
Tintumon:NA
Prof.: What will we get if 1 atom of Barium & 2 atoms of Sodium combines?
Tintumon:"BANANA"
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
“There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning,Wouldn’t it be better to hear one at a time?”
Tintumon shouted, “Okay – you start.”
Teacher: Imagine u r a millionaire. Write ur life history.
Tintumon didn’t write.
Teacher: why are you not writing?
Tintumon : I’m waiting 4 my secretary 2 take notes….
PASSIVE VOICE
teacher: Write the passive voice of " I made a mistake"
Tintumon: " I was made by a mistake"
Tintumon : I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad : How does that satisfy you?
Tintumon : I clean it with your tooth brush.
Dad : Do u know how 2 swim?
Tintumon : No.
Dad : A dog is better than u! It can swim.
Tintumon : So do u know how 2 swim?
Dad : For sure!
Tintumon : Then, what's the difference between u and a dog?
Tintumon called FM radio & said
"I've found a purse with Rs.15000/- a credit card & an ID card of Mr.Mani, No.13,Halls rd,kannur….
Radio jocky : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?
Tintumon : no……. i just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…
Father and tintumon were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and tintumon was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," tinumon said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" Tintumon finished.
Tintumon was asked to write a sign board for the traffic near the school.
He wrote"Drive carefully! Don't kill the students, wait for the teachers"
Prof.: Chemical symbol of Barium?
Tintumon:BA
Prof.: For Sodium?
Tintumon:NA
Prof.: What will we get if 1 atom of Barium & 2 atoms of Sodium combines?
Tintumon:"BANANA"
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
“There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning,Wouldn’t it be better to hear one at a time?”
Tintumon shouted, “Okay – you start.”
Teacher: Imagine u r a millionaire. Write ur life history.
Tintumon didn’t write.
Teacher: why are you not writing?
Tintumon : I’m waiting 4 my secretary 2 take notes….
PASSIVE VOICE
teacher: Write the passive voice of " I made a mistake"
Tintumon: " I was made by a mistake"
Dalai Lama's answer
"What is the thing about humanity that surprises you the most?"
His answer was as follows:
"Man" -Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn't enjoy the present,
And as a result he doesn't live in the present or the future.
And he lives as if he's never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.”
Mathematics.. Brilliant!!
Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ..... mathematical viewpoint.. and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ..... mathematical viewpoint.. and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
Technology; good one
After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
'US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'
One week later, Daily News papers (Sri Lanka's National Newspaper since 1918) reported the following:
'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Sri Lankan scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
'US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'
One week later, Daily News papers (Sri Lanka's National Newspaper since 1918) reported the following:
'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Sri Lankan scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.
Last Words......
This is amazing. He died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book ‘The last lecture”, one of the bestsellers in 2007. What a legacy to leave behind…
In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan , and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow. May you be blessed by his insight
POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't overdo; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/ her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD, you will always be happy. So, be happy.
While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.
In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan , and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow. May you be blessed by his insight
POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't overdo; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/ her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD, you will always be happy. So, be happy.
While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.
Stock Market
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them..
The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers.
Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected.
I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Welcome to the 'Stock Market'!
The Pig And The Horse
to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbor
had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered
his neighbor until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became
ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:
- Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three
days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're
going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached
the horse and said:
- Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig came
back and said:
- Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll
help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow.
Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
- Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come
on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two,
three... Good, good. Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the
field and began shouting:
- It's a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!
Points for reflection: this often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.
LEARNING TO LIVE WITHOUT RECOGNITION IS A SKILL!
If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, remember:
amateurs built the Ark and professionals built the Titanic.
DON'T LOOK TO BECOME A PERSON OF SUCCESS, LOOK INSTEAD TO BECOME A
PERSON OF VALUE!
A little known fact....
The first testicular guard (box) was used in cricket in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realise that their brains could also be important ....
A LOVELY MESSAGE
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were aloving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was
around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle
open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle
and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen
totally forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by
its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine
meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother
hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned.
She was terrified how to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead
child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?
scroll down to read....
ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior.
The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no
point in finding fault with the mother.
Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would
not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she
needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.
That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there
would be much fewer problems in the world. "
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Take off all your envies, jealousies,unforgiv eness, selfishness, and
fears . And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you
think.
MORAL OF THE STORY
This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in
asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship,
in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out
something.
Spelling mistake
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e'at the end of a word...
"I'm having such a wonderful time! Wish u were her....!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e'at the end of a word...
"I'm having such a wonderful time! Wish u were her....!
Definitions of Designations
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!
10 advantage of not having a boyfriend
1. Save time
2. Can sleep well
3. Don't have to bother about missed calls
4. Don't have to worry about how you look
5. Can eat in any restaurant
6. No boring sms in the middle of night
7. Can talk with all Boys.
8. There won't be any advice
9. Can go anywhere with friends
10. Don't have to listen to same old crap jokes..
Many more...
2. Can sleep well
3. Don't have to bother about missed calls
4. Don't have to worry about how you look
5. Can eat in any restaurant
6. No boring sms in the middle of night
7. Can talk with all Boys.
8. There won't be any advice
9. Can go anywhere with friends
10. Don't have to listen to same old crap jokes..
Many more...
Smart Indian
An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need
Some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari
Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“ We are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi-millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".
This is a true incident !!!
He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need
Some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari
Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“ We are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi-millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".
This is a true incident !!!
Mummy, Can I borrow $25?
A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.
SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'
MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.
SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'If you must know, I make $ 50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Mummy, may I please borrow $ 25?'
The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard every day for such childish frivolities. ..'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 25 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
'Are you asleep, son?' She asked.
'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $ 25 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Mummy, I have $ 50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The mother was crushed. She put his arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $ 50 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. (Very True) But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
New Lady Teacher
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the
students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said
, " Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after
all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting
a friend. Ok next. "
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the
Bathtub. "
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach
un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please. "
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl;
Yes you... "
Most beautiful girl of the class:
"Madam, my name is 'Bubble', and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."
Teacher Fainted!!! "
Father and Son Story
One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train.Train is about to leave the station.
All passengers are settling down their seat.
As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and
curiosity.
He was sitting on the window side.
He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He
shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind".
Old man smile and admired son feelings.
Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all
the conversion between father and son.
They were little awkward with the attitude of 25
years old man behaving like a small child.
Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond
and animals. Clouds are moving with train".
Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly.
Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the
young man's hand.
He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.
He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is
touching me, see papa".
Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man.
"Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."
Old man said,
" Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today
only my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".
Moral: "Don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts".
Men VS. Women
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
EATING OUT
MONEY
BATHROOMS
ARGUMENTS
FUTURE
SUCCESS
MARRIAGE
DRESSING UP
NATURAL
OFFSPRING
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes . There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes .
EATING OUT
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32 . 50 . None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back .
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators .
MONEY
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs .
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale .
BATHROOMS
- A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, shampoo and a towel . . .
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 . A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items .
ARGUMENTS
- A woman has the last word in any argument .
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument .
FUTURE
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband .
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife .
SUCCESS
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend .
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man .
MARRIAGE
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't .
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does .
DRESSING UP
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail .
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals .
NATURAL
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed .
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night .
OFFSPRING
- Ah, children . A woman knows all about her children . She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams .
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house .
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes . There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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