Father and Son Story

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train.
Train is about to leave the station.
All passengers are settling down their seat.
As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and
curiosity.
 
He was sitting on the window side.
He went out one hand and feeling the passing air. He
shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind".
 
Old man smile and admired son feelings.
Beside the young man one couple was sitting and listing all
the conversion between father and son.
 
They were little awkward with the attitude of 25
years old man behaving like a small child.
 
Suddenly young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond
and animals. Clouds are moving with train".
 
Couple was watching the young man in embarrassingly.
Now its start raining and some of water drops touches the
young man's hand.
 
He filled with joy and he closed the eyes.
He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is
touching me, see papa".
 
Couple couldn't help themselves and ask the old man.
"Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treatment for your son."
Old man said,
 
" Yes, We are coming from the hospital as Today
only my son got his eye sight for first time in his life".
 
Moral: "Don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

Men VS. Women

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes .

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32 . 50 . None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back .
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators .  

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs .
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale .

BATHROOMS

• A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, shampoo and a towel . . .
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 . A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items .

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument .
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument .

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband .
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife .

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend .
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man .

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't .
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does .

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail .
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals .

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed .
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night .

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children . A woman knows all about her children . She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams .
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house .

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes . There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Naughty Answers!

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says :

"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
********************************************

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,

" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
****************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

***********************************

Husband asks:

"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
W ithout
Information
F ighting
Every-time
Wife replies:

" No,......
It means:
With
I diot
F or
E ver !!!"

*****************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
****************************************

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got a heart attack
&  our driver ran away
**********************************************************

A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident
and confidential?
Dad says:   "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend
over there, is also my
son, THAT is confidential.

8 best moments in life

1@ Giving the 1st salary to ur parents.
2@ Thinking your love with tears.
3@ Looking old photos & smiling.
4@ A sweet & emotional chat with loved ones
5@ Holding hands with your loved ones for a walk.
6@ Getting a hug from one who cares you.
7@ 1st kiss to your child when he /she is born.
8@ The moments when your eyes are filled with tears after a big laugh.

Dedicated to all happily married couples

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th
Marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for
Not having a single conflict in their 25 years of marriage.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find
out the secret of their well known 'blissful marriage'.
Editor: 'Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make
This possible?'

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
'We had been to Shimla for our honeymoon. Having decided to go
Horse riding, we both started the ride on different horses. My
horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding
Seemed to be a little wild.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife
Topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she
Patted the horse's back and said 'This is your first time'.
Again she climbed on the horse and continued with the ride.
After a while, it happened again. This time again she calmly
Said, 'This is your second time' and continued.

When the horse
dropped her the third time, she silently took out the revolver
From the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do you psycho. You killed
The poor animal. Are you crazy?'
She gave a silent look and said softly :
'This is your first time.'
And we lived happily together since then.

When you love someone, let them know

A true story,.......

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office.
Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.
Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....

This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.
They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..

While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..

"I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I'm sorry.."

"Its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.

The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite.."

Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer.."
This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, dont you know that i hate drumsticks?"

Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband's favourite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drummsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.
That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love you"...

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....
On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him..."whats the point of talking now that its over...i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord...
Little did she remember, he have heart problems...

The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line....

As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her... And together in those file, there was this note...

"To my dearest wife, by the time you're reading this, I'm sure I'm no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know Iwill always be around, by your side... I love you"

Tears flowed like river......

"When you love someone, let them know... You never know what will happen the next minute.... Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. not what they are..."

Priceless Words (Hilarious) - Especially for you, Guyz!!

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. 

His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.

Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
Moral : Self-induced hangover - $400.00
Broken crockery - $800.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS"

Rhyme ----toooo good...hahahahahahaha

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming:
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot:
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss:
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other:
that is until I met your sister.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you:
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace:
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes :
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away:
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell:
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

Best 'Out of Office' Automatic E-mail Replies

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will
reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for
my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am
out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having
my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our
management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until
I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will
be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been
charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your
computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that
when you return, you can see who did this over and over
and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place,
and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19
weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your PC for my response.

credit should goes to original author.